you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
