Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
