I puked a lego.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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