Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
