you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
