I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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