Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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