My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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