It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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