i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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