I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
