Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
