he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
