Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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