this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
