soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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