Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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