...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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