He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
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You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler