Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son