After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
