Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.