my vag is so smooth its legendary
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT