Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?