I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i love accidental penises.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"