Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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