sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When did angry sex become our thing?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
