you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
