I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
