just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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