Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
