my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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