mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
