No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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