you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
