getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
