i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Boobs are out for the taking
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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