What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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