Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
