Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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