why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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