ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I believe in your delicious
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
