This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
