Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
did you just send me my own nude
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
