Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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