Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
