She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
