this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
