hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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