I don't think brook has ever known best
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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