mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
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You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
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Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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