you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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