I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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