You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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