i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
