Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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