im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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