I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
