I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
