Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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