I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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