what if every blade of grass was a penis?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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