Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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