I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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