I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
