I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
