turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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