Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
