This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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