I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
