Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
