he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This house was built for laser tag.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
